Are made as we walk them
by Bablefisk
Summary: Sebastian and Alex are living together in New York, when they decide it's about time to try and find Alex' past. **Set 5 years after "The Roads we walk..."
1. Five years later

**Summary: **Sebastian and Alex are living together in New York, when they decide it's about time to try and find Alex' past. **Set 5 years after "The Roads we walk..."

**Title: **...Are made as we walk them.

**Pairing: **Kurt/Sebastian

**Warning: **Amnesia

**Beta:** Many thanks to the lovely jwmelmoth, and as always, all mistakes are my own.

**Disclaimer: **Glee is not mine

Alex looked around at his friends from where he sat on the love seat next to Sebastian. They were celebrating Alex' birthday party, his 23rd, and they had gathered whatever friends they had that lived in New York for a get together.

They had moved to New York after Sebastian finished high school in Paris, and after a couple of months, they bought an apartment together with the help of Sebastian's parents. Sebastian was taking a medical degree at NYU, and Alex had been accepted to Parsons. When he had finished high school a year before Sebastian, Alex had started to work as an intern for Vivian, who had by then become like a mother to him. Both he and Sebastian had been working on and off as models, first just for Vivian, but they were soon snatched up by an agency. Working part time next to their studies made them just enough to get by on their own. They had made friends through both school and their work, making the party they were currently at a rather mixed group.

They weren't hosting the party, as their apartment really wasn't big enough for that many people, but one of their best friends and his girlfriend had offered to be the hosts. Which was why they were currently in Cooper Anderson's villa of an apartment. They had met Cooper through a former colleague of them both, a model Cooper used to date, and they had laid best friend claim on him ever since. They had known him for two and half years now, and he knew all about the memory loss and how the two of them got together. They knew all about the parents that Cooper didn't talk to, and the little brother that he was so proud of, who was a songwriter. They had seen a picture from last summer, with Cooper and his brother, a young, rather short man, with curls everywhere and dark framed glasses.

Sebastian clinked his ring on the wineglass he was holding, standing up from the couch, bringing everyone's attention to them. He cleared his throat before he started talking, the only sign that he was nervous.

"Everyone, we have a few announcements." He looked down at Alex to show who he meant. "Yesterday, Alex and I had a little private celebration," catcalls and laughter flowed through the group of friends, but Sebastian just stared them into silence. "I asked Alex to marry me, and he said yes."

After the cheers and congratulations, and quite a few of the girls' exclamations of "OMG!" about the rings, Alex and Sebastian stood in the middle of the room together. Alex then made the second announcement.

"You all know about my past, or lack of past, and we have been wondering lately if there is anything we can do to find my family. I realized when we talked about getting married, that I would like to have my family there with me. We have talked to Gabriel," Alex raised his glass to a blond, tall man at the end of the couch, "who you all know is a journalist for OUT magazine. He has asked me before to do a piece on my life and the amnesia, and though I have declined him before, we have decided it is time. So I'm going to be interviewed, pictures from the last few years will be included in the piece and hopefully someone will recognize me. We know it's not the most likely magazine my family will be reading, but as I expect I wasn't any less gay in the past, there is a chance I had some gay friends."

There was a smattering of laughs from their friends, and Alex smiled at them.

"It's a bit of a long shot, but I know I will feel a lot better if I at least try to find them."

"When's the wedding?" Alicia, one of Alex' friends from school, who was there with her partner Sarah, yelled out. "Christmas break?"

"No. That's only a couple of months away, and we want to give the article a chance to run. We haven't decided yet."

The party quickly broke down to several discussions and conversation, and Sebastian sat on the arm of the couch, looking down on his fiancé, who was deep in conversation with Cooper. He always felt horrible for thinking it, but he was so happy that Alex had been in that accident and they had found him, otherwise they might never have met. He would have gladly taken it without the memory loss, particularly long term, but if he had to choose, he knew he would never have done anything to change the things that happened.

For a long time, he had been uncertain about what Alex thought about it, whether he would change things if he could. He had asked him once, when they were both drunk, and Alex had said he wouldn't change it, but sometimes Sebastian felt like Alex only had one side of it, so how could he possibly know?

Thankfully, after several years together, Sebastian was confident in their relationship and had been unsurprised, though ecstatic, when Alex said yes to his proposal. But still, he hoped they could find Alex' family, give him back some of his life before, even if he never remembered. If they didn't find anyone, Sebastian was afraid that Alex would always wonder where he came from, never being able to be at peace with himself and his life, so Sebastian had planned on getting the interview published in as many magazines his family had any pull over if the one in OUT didn't get any results.

With one last gaze down at Alex, he let Sarah pull him into a conversation.


	2. Interview

_**JOHN DOE**_

_**AKA  
>ALEXANDER CLARKSON<strong>_

_by Gabriel Martins_

_Alexander Clarkson is 23 years old, studies fashion at Parson's, works part time as a model and only remembers five years of his life. I was lucky enough to get to talk with the young man whose life was turned on its head when he was in an accident five years ago, and was found by Sebastian and Vivian Smythe. _

_GM: First question, what is it you have?_

_AC: Well, it's retrograde amnesia, but it's a little bit more complicated than that. I don't remember anything before five years ago, no memories at all, but I do remember some... impressions, I guess you can say. Like a smell that reminds me of something. For example, there is this one perfume that I stumbled over in a photo shoot, that for some reason makes me feel safe but also a little sad. I'm thinking it might be a relative or a friend that I lost, that wore that perfume. So after five years, I have a lot of impressions in my head, but still no memories._

_GM: Okay, but as I understand it, you remember some things instinctually, like how to use a computer or a phone._

_AC: Yes, we discovered that for the most part my brain seems to remember things, as you said, on instinct. Some things, like using a computer, I have done so many times, that I manage to do it without much though. Language is the same way. When I woke, I spoke English fluently, and after a few days we found out that I also speak French fluently. That most likely means I learned to speak it early. Apparently, the older the memory or skill, the bigger the chances are of me remembering. _

_GM: You say you know certain things instinctually, have you "found" any things you just know? Even if you can't remember having done them before?_

_AC: Yes, actually, several times. When I first started drawing and designing, it almost seemed like my hand was working on its own, doing exactly what my brain was picturing, without me having to think about it. I was also utterly surprised when our car broke down once, and when we looked at the engine, I just started fixing it. At the start, when I woke up in the hospital, Sebastian and I made a list over all the things we were going to try out, to figure out what I could and couldn't do. We went through the list, and found I was better at some and worse at others. As I mentioned, designing and also sewing came easy to me, whilst my painting skills left something to be desired. After I started school, I quickly figured out that I had to work harder at math and science, whilst languages and history came easy. I also found out, first through singing with Sebastian, that I have a good voice, and I joined the choir and musical theater when I started school. _

_There are bad things as well, obviously things that carry bad memories somewhere in my subconscious. I can get a bit extreme sometimes about keeping things clean and organized, and some words upset me a lot more than they should. My body has some scars that make me wonder._

_GM: Take us through it, what happened?_

_AC: Well, most of this I know because I was told, but what we know is that I was in an accident of some sort. Sebastian and Vivian [ed:Smythe] found me walking along the road between Columbus and Buffalo. They drove me to the hospital in Buffalo. It turned out didn't remember anything, and the doctors found a tumor on my brain, making it worse than it otherwise could have been. They removed it, and I am healthy, but I still can't remember. _

_GM: How is it, only remembering the last five years of your life?_

_AC: It's odd, in many ways. At first it was very hard. It felt like my brain was just empty. There was nothing to remember. Then it got easier. The more memories I had, the easier it got, and now it's simply like an itch in the back of my brain. Like when you're trying to remember a name but you it's just out of reach. It's a lot like that. In general, my life is good. _

_GM: Do you feel hesitant to change anything about your physical appearance (haircut, clothing style, etc) in case you might still be recognized?_

_AC: At first, I was, yes. At the same time, they had to shave my hair for the operation, and seeing as my hair was clotted in blood, no one really knows what it was like. I threw out the clothes I wore before I thought to take a closer look, so I couldn't get anything from that. I do like to keep it simple, though, and as close to what I know I looked like then too; pale, no visible piercings or tattoos. _

_GM: So how do you start living your life without memories? I can imagine it's hard when you don't even know if you prefer Chinese food or pizza..._

_AC: Heh, yeah, it's... Kinda hard to explain. Hmm... I guess it's a little like moving to a new place, and getting to know the neighborhood, trying out everything to figure out which take-out place you like, which gym, cinema and so on._

_Trying out food was actually an experiment we did. Sebastian had a huge list, and every day for weeks we tried out something new. The first week it was just potatoes and steak and rice and chicken, just the 'regular' food, so to say, but it got more and more complicated. I quickly found out that I had most probably had a diet on very little fat, because I got really sick to my stomach from eating anything too fatty. I also found that my absolute favorite food is cheesecake._

_GM: In a way, it must be awesome to be able to experience something again, like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars like it's the first time, right? And I can think of a few other first-times too..._

_AC: Hehehehehe! Yeah, I guess. Thing is though, I don't actually remember experiencing the first time around. And being a guy and all, there really is no way to tell..._

_GM: Why do this now? Is there a reason you haven't done this before, tried to reach out? _

_AC: Mostly, I guess, because I have no idea what to expect. I am at a point in my life right now where I feel secure enough I myself and what I have that it won't matter if what find out is bad, I'll still survive it. I don't think I would have been able to do that a year ago. Also, there is a big event coming up in my life, and I want to find my family before that._

_GM:: Are you extra careful around new people? After all, they might be your family, or an ex-lover..._

_AC: Oh yeah, I was so bad with this at first. It's like, you want them to recognize you, because they would probably know who you are, but at the same time, it would be extremely uncomfortable to not recognize them. I guess I just learned after a while to not think about it. If they knew me, we would cross that bridge when we got there. _

_GM: If you ever find out who your family are, what do you think you would say to them, and what would you like them to say to you? _

_AC: Oh, wow.. uhm. I guess it depends on what I find. I just hope something in me will recognize them, even if I won't actually remember them. Uh, and I would want to know why they didn't look for me, or if they did, if they know why they didn't find me. _

We wish Alex good luck with finding his family, and if you have any information regarding who Alexander Clarkson might be, please email .com 


End file.
